The kids came home

My parents were watching the kids most of last week while I was the most laid up after surgery. They came home after daycare on Friday. It was hard for them the first few days to remember that mommy can't pick them up. But they have done really well. I can sit with them and they can sit in my lap pretty well without hurting me.

Owen has far surpassed my expectations. He had some major meltdowns the first day or so because I wouldn't pick him up when he wanted. But I would sit down and hold him until he was better. Now he seems to be the more conscious one of going easy on me. He is much more gentle around me than Elizabeth. And in the mornings, he has me stand up then he takes my hand to go down the stairs together. So cute how he leads me.

Elizabeth has done pretty well but she seems more incapable of controlling her flailing arms and ends up hitting my stomach occasionally. Nothing has hurt too bad, but she definitely needs to work on self-control.

Both have been really cute about wanting to see my owwies; they lift my shirt up and touch the glue on my incisions ever so gently. It makes me a tad sad seeing them play with my tummy knowing they will never get to do that for a baby brother or sister. Not that was ever a plan, but knowing it'll never happen now makes it seem more real.

Surgery and post-op

Surgery went well on Monday. We were one of the first people back in that area and our morning included a lot of questions and waiting. Finally, it was time to get wheeled back. It was typical surgery prep and I don't remember anything from a few seconds after leaving the prep room.

I woke up in recovery and felt like I needed to pee and my legs were shaking although I didn't really feel cold. They gave me meds for the shaking, ice chips, and told me not to think about the catheter and I'll get used to it eventually. After a little bit in recovery, they wheeled me into my room in the women's wing where Spencer was waiting. I got some morphine and took a nap.  I had a rough time getting used to the catheter. I could feel the urge to go and it was just uncomfortable. I was told to lay on my side to help my bladder and colon calm down, so I tried that. Most of the afternoon passed by with napping and pain meds. I got some dinner and ate a some of it.

Overnight, I started getting hydrocodone instead of morphine, which lasted longer. Sleep wasn't great but the meds helped knock me out. The overnight nurse was great. She moved my catheter bag to the ground to help with the flow, and after she did that, it wasn't so bad anymore. The next morning, I got the catheter out and was able to pee on my own not too much later. I also sat up in the chair for a little bit to help with the gas pain. The nurse said that I would get released by lunchtime. Spencer drove me home and got me into bed. I had some jello for lunch and took another nap. The next 36 hours or so went pretty much the same. Lots of sitting around watching tv with the occasional walk around the kitchen or to the bathroom.

Three days post-op now and most of the gas pain has disappeared. My muscles are sore and it feels like there is extra space for my skin or organs to fold oddly when I turn the wrong way (hard to describe). But I can mostly walk upright and get around on my own now. Doctor was surprised I was able to move once she got inside. I'm surprised I don't have more pain from surgery (most of it has been from the catheter or gas they pumped in me). I'm hoping to take a shower today. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop and my recovery get more difficult. I don't necessarily notice a change in my hormones yet, but I figure it'll happen soon.

Good signs moving forward

I haven't had time to post anything sooner because I have had a lot going on a work lately. I'm in the process of hiring a new staff person, preparing for my presentation on automating authority control (which happened this morning and went well), and tying up loose ends at work. Plus I was out sick with a stomach bug that really knocked me out for a day; top that with two doctors appointments and it's been a busy week for sure. So now that everything seems to have wrapped up nicely, I can finally sit and write this post.

My first doctor appointment this week was to see an endometriosis specialist. I wasn't a big fan of his style, but he really knows his stuff. He explained everything about endometriosis- how you get it, what it is, what causes it to grow, pros and cons of different treatments, and studies on hormones. I had already learned a bunch of it, but there were a few new things I found especially relevant right now.
• Studies have shown that no hormones and estrogen only hormone replacement therapies have minimal impact on increasing one's chance for breast cancer. Estrogen and progesterone together increases the chances drastically. But estrogen gets the bad reputation for some reason.
• While a hysterectomy is not a cure for endometriosis, when combined by excision of what endo is visible, 90+% of patients have less pain. There are complications that can happen, but hearing that eased my fears that this surgery was a bad idea. I should expect to feel better afterwards, but there is a chance later in the future that I might need another excision surgery. I can live with that.
Overall, I feel like I'm on the right track. This appointment gave me more tools for advocating for my own health in the future.

My second appointment was my pre-op admission stuff. I got the insurance break down (the hospital alone charges a crap ton of money let alone the other parties involved). Then I answered what seemed like a million questions with the nurse about my health background. I felt pretty at ease most of the time, especially after the nurse said her son shares my exact birthday down to the year. If that's not a good sign, I don't know what it. She drew blood to run some tests and gave me all of my directions for preparing for Monday morning.

So come Monday, I'll be starting a new chapter in my life, surgical menopause. I will no longer have a uterus or my ovaries or my one remaining tube. No more periods but no more hormones either unless I want to add them back in. And hopefully a life with less pain. It will be a six week recovery process, during which I can't lift more than 10 pounds. The kids weigh about 26-27 pounds each, so it's going to be a long six weeks of not being able to carry them. We have tried working in getting them to walk on their own more the last few weeks and they are doing better. My hope is that they instinctively know they need to behave a little bit better during this time.

Overall, I'm feeling positive about my surgery on Monday. All of the signs the universe has thrown out there have been positive. I haven't seen one negative one. Everything just seems to keep falling into place. Of course, I'm not looking forward to being cut open, but this will be my fifth surgery in a little over 4 years so I know in general what to expect. I'm looking forward to the end result.

How my body has betrayed me

I don't really know how to start this post. I last posted in early April about all of the doctor's visits regarding the pain/infection in my ovary. I did make an appointment with the gynecological oncologist in April and we decided instead of rushing to surgery, let's give the antibiotics a few months and see what everything looks like. I had a few conferences in May and June and the kids' birthday in July, so I didn't want to do anything before mid-July anyways. The pain had gone away and I had started doing the nuvaring back to back so no period for a while.

I went in for another scan in mid-June. The oncologist doesn't do scans in office like my gynecologist so I went to an imaging place. They got me in super quick. The technician didn't describe anything she was seeing, nor did I get to even see the screen. All I could tell about the procedure was that she took at ton of pictures. I wondered at the time if it was normal to have that many taken. I knew that I wouldn't know anything until my follow up with the oncologist.

Spencer had a fair to attend for work during my appointment, so I took my mom with me for moral support. The doctor came in and told us that what's on my ovaries is smaller, but still there and still a decent size. She suspects that the infection and inflammation is gone, but that my endometriomas are still there and rather big. I have two on my left side that are the size of a lime and a walnut and one on my right the size of a grape. She suggested just taking everything out. So at the ripe age of 32, I get to go through surgical menopause. Because of my endometriosis, hormone replacement therapy may not be the best route for me afterwards.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around it all. I'm scheduled for surgery on August 5th right now. I kept debating whether or not to postpone again for a long time, but the pain comes back every now and again. Plus my boss said August would be a good time for me to be out for awhile. I have a consult with an endometriosis expert on the 30th. That's mostly for a second opinion on how to proceed after surgery (i.e., hormone replacement or not). This surgery won't cure me of my endometriosis, but perhaps it can go along way toward easing the pain.

Medical mystery

After a very long doctor's appointment today, I finally am on the road to answers. A week ago, I started to feel super crummy. Just off. I went home from work early and found out I had a low fever. Hubby made me go to the urgent care to get checked out. By then, my left ovary was quite painful and I didn't have any appetite. I was crampy and had a back ache. The doctor annoyed me by asking how I knew the pain was from my ovary when there are several options in that location. I nicely told her I have had endometriomas on my ovary and the pain felt the same as it did when those flared up. She felt around my pelvis area and then had me leave a urine sample. She diagnosed me with an infection (probably UTI) and put me on antibiotics. Said follow up with PCP or gyno if it doesn't get better.  I spent another day and a half at home in pain and taking my antibiotics. I felt okish by Friday and over the weekend, although I had pain and a low grade fever off and on still.  Urgent care called back and said my urine culture turned out negative but to keep taking the antibiotics. Friday, I also started a period about two weeks early. So while bad timing, at least it helped explain some of my symptoms.

Monday, I finally got to see my PCP. She said my hormones are probably out of whack and that she wants to run labs and do a scan. She figured my gyno would want to do all of the same things, and since I already had an appointment for tomorrow, she was just going to wait. I asked her to do the blood work now so I can get the results that much faster. I'll insist on the scan at my appointment on Tuesday.

My appointment with the gyno was way more involved than I expected when I made the appointment months ago. It started as a well woman exam. She found a huge polyp to remove, about the size of my pinky finger tip. She sent me for an ultrasound next. There the tech didn't describe much, but I noticed her measuring a cyst on my right ovary that was decently big. Then by the end of the exam, measurement stats popped up on screen. My left ovary measured 3 times bigger than my right. So I was told to wait for my doctor again to go over results.  Turns out that my pain doesn't seem to be endometriomas like I thought. I have a bunch of cysts (I also have PCOS so I'm not surprised by that news) and an infection. They can't do an exploratory laparoscopy until the infection is gone. So I'm back on antibiotics for two more weeks. Then no surgery for at least 6 weeks after that. In the meantime, I have a referral to see a gynecological oncologist. My doctor feels that given my history of endo and now this random infection, that if I'm done having kids, then maybe just take everything out. I was already prepared to fight for this option just because of how much pain I've been in every month. Now that it's a real option, it seems so much bigger.

So, I have some answers. We need a few more. And I'm going to do my best to stay in the present and not worry about the future.

Weekends

Each week, I seem to want to live for the weekend. Life during the week is just so busy. We get up, go to daycare/work, go home, eat, play for a few minutes before bedtime. Then Elizabeth takes an hour or two (or three on a bad night) to put to bed. By then, I'm exhausted and often just ignore the mess in the kitchen and fall into bed instead. The weekends are time to catch up and play, to have fun. But these two kiddos require so much attention right now (read as they cry unless mommy sits with them), so not much gets done. We try to take the kids out to a store or somewhere different in order to wear them out, but that wears out everyone and the adults don't get to nap.

I suppose this is a new normal. The routines help and eventually E will get better about going to bed and we will have more time in the evening to get a few things done. Just hope that comes sooner rather than later.

PPD, PPA, PPT?

Haha. I made that last one up. (In my mind, it'd be Postpartum Tired.)  But seriously. I want to write about my experience with postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety.  Partially as a way to cope with my feelings and thoughts, and partially as a way to share in case someone else can see similar symptoms in themselves.

I finally broke down and admitted that I don't feel right around December (I think).  I'd go to the doctor's office and end up have a small, teary melt downs. I'd blame it on lack of sleep and stress and that's how I usually function at a doctor's office (I hate it, but I've always been that way).  I think the visit that finally led me to admit defeat (not the best term, but all I've come up with right now) was for tummy problems.  Without getting graphic, I was having way more upset stomachs than I usually do.  Looking back now, I'm pretty sure it was stress related.  The doctor offered to run some blood tests and check me out.  Everything came back normal.  But while describing the pain, I broke down crying. This isn't uncommon for me because I'm so stubborn that I usually end up visiting the doctor as a last resort and when I've finally reached by breaking limit. So if I'm there, then you know it's bad.  

The doctor kept asking if I was sure I'm okay and if I've been depressed.  And here's the thing- I didn't feel like I was.  I didn't really have many negative thoughts or self-harm thoughts.  I was still rather cocky about my ability to "handle" everything. I didn't usually feel down or sad, but I would cry more easily at stupid things. Maybe I'm not sure what the official definition of depression is or I was in denial and blaming things on being tired (my twins were only 5 months old, so of course I'm tired) or hormonal (I'd recently given up breastfeeding/pumping, not to mention pregnancy and my PCOS before that).  I didn't get to do activities because of the kids, not because I didn't want to.  But after being asked by at least two doctors in less than a month if I was depressed, I decided to admit that maybe I am a little bit. (Although to this day I still think of it as more anxiety than depression; perhaps that from society placing such a negative stigma on depression, who knows?)

My doctor had me fill out a questionnaire to measure my depression level.  Imagine the surveys in Cosmo about what kind of wedding dress to buy based on what cake you pick or your dream guy based on your dream date.  I don't remember all of the questions exactly, but many of them were hard to distinguish between am I saying yes to this because I'm depressed or because my kids don't let me sleep or have time to do anything.  I think my score came out rather high, so probably moderate to severe depression.  The doctor gave me a prescription, told me about the side effects, and told me to come back in a few weeks to see how I felt.

OMG the side effects of starting a depression medication suck!! Stomach cramping was the worst, as well as an immense level of fatigue as my body tried to figure out what to do with the changing hormones again.  But as I grew more accustomed to it, I realized I was no longer crying over stupid things and I felt more calm.  Things were getting better and I felt like I could cope better. 

A month or two in, the "month of sickness" struck.  The kids had started daycare and their immune systems went down, taking ours with them.  We all took turns getting sick; I think everyone missed at least one day of work/school each week.  With my parents out of town, it was a fight for survival. The bare minimum was accomplished each day. And my stress levels began to increase.  I'd find myself having anxiety attacks occasionally- usually in the car, sitting in traffic while one or both kids cried.  My nerves would be frayed and I'd just tense up and not be able to calm down.  I might shake some and my heart rate would increase. Breathing seemed more labored and my appetite would disappear.  After the second one of these in two weeks, I called the doctor and we upped my dose.  Things got better briefly, then another major stressor a few months later hit. I think this time the kids were teething and fussy more often.  Things at work were kind of crazy too. Panic attacks all over again.  Upped my dose to the highest level and it seemed to help. 

For a while. During my period, the hormones would take over and cause my meds to be less effective.  I'd find myself clenching my jaw unconsciously. I was stress eating (or not eating sometimes). Dr. Pepper became water for me and I was lucky to convince myself to drink a glass of water a day.  I used to have a very strict one soda a day policy, but I could not help myself now.  I drank coffee, which I hate unless there's more sugar and milk in it than coffee!  I went through huge bags of candy way too quickly. I'm so glad it's not a candy holiday for a while; but I've recently started to raid my baking supplies for chocolate and icing (Don't judge too harshly please).  

Memorial Day was particularly stressful because the kids decided they no longer needed to nap that weekend. I forget what we did to throw them off their schedules so bad, but I remember wanting to leave and not come back.  I was ecstatic that my girls trip with my mom and sister to California was the next weekend. I was finally going to get a break! And it was nice to get away.  But I realized that I was eating way more than I should and when I came back, things hadn't improved much. I was still stress eating sweets and having thoughts of being a failure.

Back to the doctor's office; this time, she gave me a new prescription to try.  The stomach pain was miserable during the adjustment phase.  And I'm still stress eating and drinking Dr. Pepper like it's water.  I kept getting dizzy with this new medicine too. It's the strangest feeling of numbness in my extremities for about a heartbeat, accompanied by a faint, dizzy feeling.  I feel weak and ready to pass out at any moment, but don't.  I go back again this week and plan on telling the doctor that it's not working.  I have little patience with the kids unless they are perfect angels, which isn't going to happen while they are teething again.

I'm tired of this. I just want to feel normal again. Part of me doesn't even remember what normal feels like.  I'm back to crying a lot and just feeling like I can't handle life (not in a suicidal way, but more of a childish-run-away-from-my-problems-and-not-look-back way).  I'm struggling to find the will to turn off Candy Crush and get off my butt to clean the kitchen or cook dinner or do laundry.  I want to go out with the kids and immediately regret it when it becomes slightly difficult or they start whining. Life with twins has gotten so much easier, but also so much more complicated as they get older (that's a whole other post in itself).  I'm slowly rediscovering things that make me feel normal (like reading a book or cooking).  I think it's just going to be a long hard process.  In the meantime, I'll keep trying to get creative with the ways I cope and lean on friends and family and the fun times to get me through the rough times.

16 things I've learned since becoming a mom

I read a ton of blogs about pregnancy and a few about raising kids while pregnant. I was so tired and overwhelmed I wanted to take it one day at a time and not get too far ahead of myself. Oops. Turns out I don't have time now, so it's mostly winging it or googling as things come up. Probably for the best really. So I decided to come up with a list of things I've learned in the last year, mostly stuff I don't remember seeing anywhere before.

Before you get pregnant...

Teach your partner to make your favorite comfort foods. You will be sick and want that dish your mom makes. Hubby will try to make the recipe, but you never actually use the recipe as written. It will be good,  but just not quite right and won't kill the craving.

Stock your freezer with freezer meals. This goes along with the tip before, especially if your partner isn't a strong cook.

Squats! Do so many squats (weighted even) and build up those leg muscles. As you develop that bump, bending over will be hard so you will end up squatting more. And you will be carrying extra weight from the baby/ies. Your thighs are gonna burn! I thought it'd get better after pregnancy, but nope. You will have a baby in your arms and they drop their burp cloth. Gotta squat to pick it up. Let's just say I have excellent legs now.

During pregnancy...

Give yourself grace. You will be tired. You are growing another living being.

Go to labor and delivery whenever you feel like you might need to. I didn't want to be that worrywart, but finally decided it's better safe than sorry.

Watch your blood pressure. If you start to feel off, check your blood pressure. I thought it was blood sugar levels too high or low.  That's actually the start of my blood pressure problems. Swelling is a bad sign too. My feet and legs swelled bad, but my doctor said that it was my face and hands that could indicate a bad problem.  Keep track of it and let your doctor know as soon as it starts to creep up.

People lose all sense of what's appropriate and private. I had my belly rubbed by complete strangers.  People always want to know the sex. I'm rather open and told them way more than they'd want to know, but you don't have to. Just come up with a few witty-comebacks or perfect the smile and keep walking look.

After pregnancy...

Ask for breast milk in the hospital. In our hospital, the kids stayed with us in our room. My milk didn't come in at first, so the nurses offered breast milk donated to the NICU. I don't know if they do that for everyone, but it doesn't hurt to ask before going to formula to supplement.

Keep all the little bottles. If you do get breast milk, it comes in tiny little 2 ounce bottles with disposable nipples. Rinse these out and take home. They are the perfect size for the first few months when the kids only eat less than 2 ounces at a time. Plus when the kids are bigger, they will be able to start holding the bottle on their own sooner since these are smaller and lighter.

Sleep when you can. Ask for help. It's hard raising a newborn. Some nights are harder than others. Don't worry about the state of your house. Your and your baby's well-being is more important. Figure out the bare minimum of what needs to get done and do that. Then make a plan for the bigger stuff and just do a little bit each day.  For us, sometimes it was just clean the bottles and laundry.  We survived on a lot of fast food and our house was a complete mess for the longest time.  We just tossed things we didn't need in a spare room to hide it.

Embrace the drive thru and grocery delivery. I hated any drive thru before kids. If I was driving, I always parked and went inside. Not now with two babies. Anything with a drive thru or curbside service gets my business now. And those grocery stores that will shop for you and bring it out to your car...amazing! When I was too sick during the pregnancy and now that there are two babies, this feature is a God-send.

Don't go to the store alone in the first month. You will need a well-rested chaperone. Hubby and I would go to the store while my parents watched the kids. It was like going somewhere drunk. We were so sleep deprived we couldn't think straight.  Trips took twice as long because we couldn't keep a train of thought long enough to accomplish the task. Lists were essential. We would walk to the baby section to get diapers and realized we didn't grab a basket. Deciding between brands on anything was tough.

Give yourself grace here too.You are doing the best you can. Both of you are adapting to a new life and figuring it out as you go along. If you care about being a bad mom, then you really are a good mom because a bad one wouldn't care so much. (if that sentence makes any sense at all)

Trust your mommy gut.  There have been a few times I tried to play it cool and let the doctor tell me I was crazy or imagining things or it was normal. But then I'd be right back in his office a few days later with a sick kid. I'm learning now to trust that I know when something isn't quite right.  I at least make the doctor investigate a tad bit more instead of accepting a brush-off.  That's what I'm paying him for, and I know my kid the best after all.

Document your experience. I don't remember much from the first 6-9 months. I have notes I made in my phone about milestones and fun things we did, plus I have a million photos/videos from my phone, as well as my husband, grandparents, and daycare. My hope is to one day find the time to gather them all in one place. My sister-in-law made a book for my nephew's first year, editing each month so it was ready to go on his 1st birthday. I thought that was a great idea.

It took 9 months for your body to change, give it at least that long to return to "normal."  I don't think I'll every really look the same as I did pre-kids. I have some stretch marks and my c-section scar.  My belly button is still a weird innie/outie.  My abs separated alot to make room for the twins.  I couldn't feel my bladder for a while.  The kids are now 10 months old and I still don't feel like I'm back to normal.  The scar is hidden from public view, my tummy still shows signs of stretch marks, scars from my surgeries, and my belly button is still odd. My abs have gone back together some, but I can tell they still aren't 100%.  I'm trying not to lose patience and accept that these changes may become permanent, but it can be hard sometimes to feel cute/sexy when my hair is a mess and I can't remember the last time I showered.

That's all I have for now. Any tips you want to add...

breathe

This week has been one of the toughest I've faced in a while. Long nights with fussy babies Friday and Saturday nights. E was diagnosed with an ear infection and upper respiratory infection Saturday night. O probably has the upper respiratory infection too. Then Sunday night, I came down with a stomach bug that knocked me down hard. So hard hubby stayed home from his local travel week to take care of me and E. A day to recover was all I got because O and I had doctors appointments Wednesday morning and hubby got my stomach bug. Picked up the kids from daycare Wednesday after work to news they'd been vomiting and having blowouts; even got a bag of soiled clothes to take home. So I'm at home again taking care of O. I knew starting daycare would mean more sickness, but dang.

Anyways. I spent the weekend not able to stand the sound of the kids stuffy noses. I became obsessed with saline drops and the nose frida (amazing tool btw; totally recommemd it over the bulb thing). The kids have grown to hate it; I dont blame them since their noses are probably kind of raw. O used to like getting his nose sucked out; he was weird like that. He tolerates it better than E, but then again I could say that about most things with these two.

But today, nearly a week later, I have O sleeping in my arms, breathing away thru his slightly stuffy nose. And I find myself starting to like that sound. He's so sweet and peaceful while he sleeps. I still wanna suck all the boogers out of his nose, but for some weird reason I like listening to him right now. Maybe i just need more sleep.

Traveling circus

I like to call us the traveling circus when we go out in public.  It's an adventure every time when we have to unload the car and take the stroller out. The double stroller (or baby limo as Spencer's coworkers dubbed it) with two infant car seats attached always draw attention. And that stroller is a beast! It's heavy and long. It folds up rather well and fits in our mini van ok (it even fit in the Camry trunk without the toddler seats on it). It's a dance trying to get both kids in and out of the van by myself. Leave the van running so the kids are comfortable while unloading and setting up the stroller.  Grab the first kid and lock their car seat in place. Grab the second kid, while trying to watch that the first one doesn't go anywhere in the stroller in that brief moment, and lock that car seat into place. Turn off the van, lock up, go shopping (etc.). Reverse all of that when you get back to the van after your errand. It really makes me miss malls and their one stop shopping. And I actually use the drive thru now; I hated them before because it was always iffy on understanding the person taking my order. Now just give me some type of food; just don't make me unload my kids.  I have become much more efficient when planning shopping trips or wait for Spencer to be able to watch them.

Anyways, the point of this post was to record the crazy things that people say to us while we are in public. We can't go anywhere where we don't get at least 2-3 comments on the kids. I don't mind it; my kids are special and I don't mind others acknowledging that too.  When I'm in the mood, I use this as an opportunity to educate people on twins and IVF.  I know it won't last forever because eventually they will just look like siblings. Some days, when I know the kids aren't going to last much longer, I get a little annoyed that I can't just check out and go. No, I have to have a conversation with the cashier first.  But I've perfected the graceful smile-say-thanks-and-keep-walking routine.  And I have a strict no touching policy; I will slap your hand away and yell at you for that.  Luckily it hasn't happened, but I did have the greeter at Walmart wanting to straightening Elizabeth's head while she was sleeping [I told her that E was fine how she was; she'd move her head if it bothered her].

So here are some that I remember (and I'll continue to add to this list as we encounter more)...

• Double trouble
• Twice blessed
• Are they twins?
• Are they identical?
• Oh, one boy and one girl, so you're done having kids now?
• Are these your first?
• Do you mind if I just look at your kids? I've always wanted twins.
• My [insert relative or friend here] has twins [or triplets].
• Do they sleep a lot [or thru the night]?
• Were they natural?
• Do twins run in your family?
• Where you shocked when you found out you were having twins?

I'm back!

I'd struggled for a while on whether to continue this blog or try to keep my kids' lives more private. so for the last three months, I've not posted anything. I'd start a post a few times, but never finished or published them. But today, I googled something and it got me upset. And it made me remember part of the reason why I started this blog in the first place. I was forced to go through a very frustrating process to get my kids and always took comfort in reading the experiences of others who were in the same situation. I could use my blog as a public service to educate those in my same predicament and those who luckily will never go through what I have. I hoped to shed some light on infertility and now I have the same chance to provide a glimpse into parenting twins. I am going to do my best to post more often, but also try to respect my kids' privacy. I'm not positive how I'll do it yet. I'm also not sure how I'll find the time to do this with two babies to take care of while also back at work. But even if the posts are much shorter, I still think it'll help me to write and hopefully help others to read.

So, I'm back and have alot on my mind.  I'll spend some time gathering my thoughts and hopefully won't sound too crazy [I haven't had a coherent thought in months, so this'll be fun ;-)]. I'll not likely post everything on Facebook, so subscribe to the blog for updates or check in every now and then.

35-37 weeks: The final countdown

37 weeks. Technically, yesterday would mark 37 weeks and the babies would've been here by mid-morning (according to the scheduled c section we planned). As many readers may already be aware, that was no longer the plan. For those who aren't Facebook or real life friends, let me fill you in on the last few weeks. Apologies in advanced for the mega-long post.

I had a blog post started for 35 weeks. Mostly a familiar update. Uncomfortable but managing. Visit with the specialist again showed the babies looking good. My swelling and blood pressure were the main causes of concern. Spencer was cleared to walked in his boot without a walker. Physical therapy was making a real difference in my mobility and comfort. Final countdown was underway for the kids to arrive. Less than 2 weeks, single digits. Well, let's just say that post never got finished because life just doesn't like to go as planned.

Sunday, July 9- I started to get a contraction every hour or so.  Not my first ones, but these were different that what I'd had before.  They would last a few minutes, but only happened about once an hour or so and didn't progress.  I didn't actually feel them in my tummy; it was more my back would hurt and when I'd realize that I'd poke at my tummy to feel how tight it was.  I drank more water and spent most of the afternoon lounging and resting.  My blood pressure was on the high side still, but not high enough to meet the doctor's orders to go straight to the hospital.  I decided I have an appointment on Monday, I could wait until then since my symptoms didn't quite fit the concerned criteria.

35 weeks and 5 days

Monday, I went to physical therapy in the morning.  I actually felt rather good in most of my usual problem areas; it was just my back bothering me from the contractions.  The therapist worked on my back, helping to work out some of the knots in my lower back.  I left feeling good, but off.  I went home and put in an hour of work to finish up a project I'd been working on before leaving for my next doctor's appointment with Spencer.  We had to wait for quite a while to see the doctor, as per usual.  By the time we got back to the exam room, my blood pressure had gone up quite a bit.  The specialist kept telling me that if it got up to 160 for the upper number, I needed to go to labor and delivery.  My blood pressure at the beginning of the appointment had spiked to 161/something.  We continued the appointment and saw the kiddos on the ultrasound. After the appointment, the nurse took my blood pressure and it'd barely gone down.  The doctor wanted me to go to labor and delivery for observation and told me not to eat or drink anything until further notice.

What a pair we make right now-
one with dangerously high blood pressure and
one with a bum foot

Spencer and I walked across the hospital to labor and delivery.  This was Spencer's first time there (my third for those counting). We got to go in the normal way instead of through the ER like I'd been the last two times. I checked in with the lady at the desk who filled out a bunch of paperwork with us. I was shown back to a room and told to change and leave a urine sample.  I was hooked up to the heart monitor to watch the babies heart rates and measure for contractions.  The doctor had also ordered several blood tests in addition to the urine test.  Once those results came back, we'd have more of an idea of what the next step would be.  After about an hour or so, we were told that my platelet count was low, my creatinine ratio was high, and that the babies would be coming that day due to pre-eclampsia.  I was admitted to the hospital and the nurse started prepping me for the c-section. It was at this time that I felt like I was on the first big hill of a roller coaster- scared to death of the drop and what's to come but no way to get off.  Mom, Dad, Spencer and I hung out for a few hours until the doctor finished her day at the office; then, she came over and delivered the babies.

Our happy little family

The c-section was a very weird experience; I was very glad Spencer was there to keep me calm. It was so cold in the operating room and so many people buzzing around doing their things.  I got the epidural and laid down. Spencer came in and sat near my head while the nurses installed the drape to keep us from viewing all of the gruesomeness of surgery.  The doctor came in and the procedure started. Everything happened so fast. All of a sudden, we could hear Owen crying, then a few minutes later, Elizabeth came out crying.  Each baby had their own team of doctor and nurses who took them and checked them out.  Owen was 5 pounds, 3 ounces; Elizabeth surprised everyone by edging him out at 5 pounds, 4 ounces.  They wrapped up the kids and handed them to Spencer to hold.  We both got to see them and take a picture while my procedure finished up.  Then it was off to the labor and delivery room to recover.  We got to do skin to skin with the kids for about an hour.  We tried to breastfeed for a little while, which both seemed to do ok with me fumbling around trying to figure out what I was doing.  After skin to skin time, the nurses cleaned up the babies some more and then focused on my recovery, which took a little longer because I'd been on baby aspirin, which caused more bleeding than normal with a c-section delivery.  Spencer got more pictures of the kids and sent them out to friends and family.  His mom drove down after work and was the first of the family to see the kids.  We thought that they'd need to go to the NICU immediately, so we'd been telling family that there wasn't too much point in stopping by that night.  Turns out our kids our fighters and avoided the NICU altogether.

More to come later on our recovery and homecoming.

Meet Owen and Elizabeth

33 and 34 weeks

33 weeks (written last week, just never posted)

I started a draft for this post last week and forgot all about it.  Opening it up just now reminded me of how different our lives were just a week ago.  In order to avoid being vague and cryptic, I'll jump right in.  Wednesday, June 21st, Spencer was t-boned in a car accident.  I'm not going to go into too many details online just in case the insurance wants to use it against us later.  He is back home finally, starting the long road to recovery.

Before the accident happened, I'd had a physical therapy appointment that morning. The therapist "massaged" certain areas, helping to expel some knots and engage my muscles. I got some homework to work on to stretch things out at home.  Each visit helps a lot; I'm still sore, but it's more manageable.  I worked from home after physical therapy before we had our appointment with the OB.  I met Spencer there because he'd gone to work and had another appointment just before mine.

We got to wait for about 2 hours for our appointment this time; it's a bad sign when they bring out snacks for everyone in the waiting room.  I started to feel crummy while we were waiting, so I had a few snacks thinking it was just low blood sugar.  Once we were called back to see the doctor, the nurse got my vitals.  My blood pressure was kind of high at this point and my feet were swollen (all though that is a new normal).  The doctor talked with us about signs to keep an eye on and mentioned that it may be a good idea to work from home instead of going into work.  She did the sono to check for heartbeats.  Afterwards, she took my blood pressure again to see if it was still elevated.  If it had been, I was going to be sent to labor and delivery to get checked out.  Luckily, it went back down closer to my normal.  We go back again in two weeks for what may be our last appointment with that doctor before the babies come. Craziness!


34 weeks

This was probably the first week of the whole pregnancy that I haven't checked my app to see what the babies are supposed to be up to in there at 34 weeks.  I've just been too busy.  Like I said above, Spencer was in an accident a week and a half ago.  He broke his foot and has severe bruising and contusions that limit his mobility.  He's been home from the hospital for less than a week now, but improving a little bit every day.  In the meantime, I'm doing my best to help him out as I can while still taking it easy.

My boss has allowed me to work from home, for which I'm super grateful. I have about 4 appointments a week now, so working from home prevents me from needing to use so much sick leave and from driving by myself 20 miles to work along a fairly undeveloped highway twice a day.  I can put my feet up so they swell less while still getting some work done.  The doctors are very happy for this too; I think bed rest would have been in my future if I wasn't allowed to stay home more.

I had some more physical therapy this week. It has been helping a bunch but I'm still just super sore all of the time.  Sleeping has been much harder as of late because the hips always hurt. I just can't find a good position.  This weekend, Elizabeth has decided that my left hip bone is a good place to kick or something; probably not helping the hip pain I already have.

I saw the specialist a few days ago too.  Mom came with me this time since Spencer can't get around very well right now.  We had the doctor do a video of the ultrasound so Spencer could watch later.  The babies are doing really well. Owen was in a bad spot so it was hard to get accurate measurements.  The doctor estimated 5 lbs 2 oz, but thinks that's an underestimate.  Elizabeth was her usually squirmy self, weighing in at 4 lb 12 oz.  They are both doing great according to all the doctor's tests.  The only concern the doctor has is me right now.

My blood pressure being high and my swelling are signs of gestational hypertension or even pre-eclampsia.  I went to Labor and Delivery to get checked out the night of the accident, just to make sure everything was ok after what I'd witnessed. I also went about a week later when my blood pressure spiked.  An hour long non-stress test later, and I was sent home.  I feel bad about going with false alarms, but we promised the doctor I'd be better safe than sorry about this.  Anyways, when the specialist heard about all of this, she ordered a 24-hour urine test and some blood work to see what's up with me.  I did that all of Thursday (thank goodness I could work from home) and dropped off everything Friday morning. I am still waiting for the results, hoping for everything to come back normal, or at least just hypertension, and not pre-eclampsia.  I'm trying to keep these kids in as long as I can to give Spencer more time to recover.

So now, we wait. And try to take it easy while still getting things ready for the babies to come.  It's been hard for me to ask for help or even accept help. Partly because I'm still overwhelmed and not sure where to start on certain things.  Partly because I feel like a lazy bum asking someone to vacuum or clean up after us while I sit on the couch doing nothing.  It's going to be a learning experience.

Bump! or more like watermelon!

Week 32 - one month to go!

Man this one is super late (and long apparently), but it's because we've been super busy with appointments, friends and family. 

We saw the specialist last week for a growth scan and fetal assessment. They both got 10/10 on all their tests (not sure exactly what they were testing). Owen is weighing just over 4 pounds and Elizabeth was just shy of 4 pounds. So both are doing amazing! We did the non-stress test thing with heart monitors hooked up to my tummy for 20 minutes or so. Owen was hard to find his heart beat consistently (not in a bad way, they were both uncooperative toots that day), but everything looked good according to the doctor. At the rate they are growing, they will be about 6.5 pounds each next month when they are due (that'll be 13 pounds of baby 😨).

I started physical therapy last week to try to help ease some of my pelvic pain. My right hip where it meets the backbone is loose, which means it's always out of place and aches. I also have symphysis pubis dysfunction, which means my pubic bone shifts out of place and aches.  The therapist stretched me in different ways to find out what triggers my pain, then "massaged" some of my muscles and ligaments. It was more like she found a ton of knots and pushed into them as hard as she could. It hurt but felt good too. I was so sore afterwards, but it's starting to feel better. I go back a few times a week for the same treatment until the babies come.  In between visits, I'm supposed to wear my support band to help keep everything in place and to help make the therapist's adjustments more effective.

I got to hang out with my sister for the first time in over a month since she moved away. We were going to do a small maternity photo shoot, but I wasn't feeling well (feet were super swollen) so decided to postpone it.  If we get around to it, cool. But it's not as important to me as newborn photos will be. Speaking of, if anyone has recommendations for an affordable photographer, please pass along the info.

Last weekend, a group of my mom's friends threw us a baby shower. These are ladies I've known probably the majority of my life now; mom plays bunco with them every month or so still. They prepared some great brunch finger foods, had adorable decorations, and gave Spencer and I a chance to celebrate with many of our friends and family. It was a wonderful event and I'm so grateful for all of time we've spent with friends and family as well as the gifts we received (not only at this shower but the others we've had as well).

O for Owen and E for Elizabeth

I think we finally have most of the very basics we'd need for the kids (car seats, stroller, place to sleep, some clothes and diapers/wipes). We also have more of the nice-to-have items and will get more with time. I haven't converted our guestroom/office into a nursery yet because I think it's more useful as a guest room for now.  It means less storage for what we have so far, but allowed us to host some friends for the weekend last week and next. We are slowly getting organized, sorting through things and finding new homes for most of our stuff.  Mom helped us finalize a theme a few weeks ago (animals). My sister has helped provide some ideas for decorating the nursery, which has helped spur my creative juices too. As much as I was putting it off before, now that I have more of a plan, I'm excited to work on getting it more together. I suppose nesting mode is starting to kick in. Spencer already created some very cute letters for each kid.  Now to get busy!  Less than one month to go...

Bump Pic at 32 week and 6 days.
I have fewer and fewer clothes that fit now haha

Week 31

Man, the end of the week appointments do not help my procrastination at all.  Sorry for the later post.

We have hit 31 weeks now. Seems hard to believe we've come this far, even though there's still a ways to go. I feel huge (doctor said I measure 38 weeks) even if I don't look it (as most people tell me). I can no longer squat down on the ground and get back up again. I actually got stuck the other day without a good way of pulling myself up, so Spencer had to help me. It was both funny and sad. I've had random contractions off and on, but nothing the doctors are worried about. And my biggest other complaint is the amount of swelling in my feet. I try to prop them up more and stay off of them, but it's hard. I'm trying out compression socks to see if they can help any. On the plus side, that pillow I broke down and bought makes a big difference, even though I still get up a lot in the middle of the night and toss and turn a bunch still.

We had two more baby showers this week. My office put together a great and generous party for the babies (and me and Spencer). We played the clothes pin game where you can't say the word baby or you lose a pin. I did rather well considering how many cards I read out loud. Lots of paraphrasing, but I still lost. We got several books to start the kiddos library and tons of really cute onesies and other baby supplies. One coworker's husband helped build an adorable diaper cake topped with two bears. It's very cute and I couldn't resist posting a picture.

Some of Spencer's family threw us a shower earlier today. It was great getting to see everyone and catching up since our last get together at Christmas. Our kiddos are going to be some of the best dressed thanks to many precious little outfits. I hope we can find an excuse to all get together again after babies come but before Christmas.

Our last doctor visit wasn't extremely eventful. First appointment of the day meant we didn't have to wait long, which was nice. I've hit the 160 pounds mark, which the doctor said is great progress. I still wish it was a bit more, but I'm working on it. She said the babies are doing great; most twins start to see a few complications around this time, but kiddos as doing wonderfully.  Since we had already decided to do a csection, I asked if we could schedule a day so we have an end date in mind. Babies could still come early, but they should not stay in past July 19th now. It was kind of weird getting to pick their birthday out. Now it seems so much more real; our family will double in size in five and a half weeks! It feels so distant but also so soon, especially given the amount of organizing we still need to do for the house.

We go back for another growth scan middle of next week. And I start physical therapy to try to help my pelvis get back into place as best it can given the circumstances. Hopefully next week's post will be back to the middle of the week like normal.  Here's a bump pic (since I haven't posted one in a while)

Week 30 - Guest post ;)

Good evening friends and followers.  This is Spencer and I am filling in (hopefully not too terribly) for your usual writer, the always amazing Stacey.  Things have been going pretty well since the last time we posted.  I do not have Stacey's talent for all details (mainly because I am not the one who is pregnant) but I will try to give the good pieces of information that I know.  Friday is a bit hazy, so I'm going to skip that one for know.

Saturday was quite busy. We went shopping for some new maternity clothes for Stacey.  Now normally I am not a fan of shopping but my wife knows me well and bribed me with lunch.  She was able to find a few things so it was a worthwhile trip.  It wasn't very long but with the kiddos kicking like crazy, she has been getting worn out quicker than usual.  On the bright side though, Stacey has discovered that swimming is a great help for easing some of her aches and pains, and as we learned it can also help nutrients get to each kiddo.  

We made good use of our UNT Rec Center passes.  I'll give Stacey credit; she actually was able to get in the pool in under 15 min. this time!  I keep telling her that if she just got in all at once she wouldn't be as cold, but she is stubborn.  We can only hope the kids take after me...less stubborn but right more often.  :)  Well after a good half hour in the pool, we did a second round of shopping.  We went to Hobby Lobby to try and get ideas for decorating the kiddos nursery.  While we didn't find a lot, I did get a good idea for a project I want to do for the kiddos.  It will we require all of my very limited artistic skills but I really want to try it.  I can't share too much now, but if it works I will share a picture here.  Side note:  Stacey bought me the most amazing early birthday present!  It's nerdy and totally me!

Sunday was busy but a lot of fun for us both.  It started as most Sundays do with us asking each other what we want to do and complaining that neither of us has any ideas.  Knowing that Stacey has limited time to go out and do stuff, I suggested seeing the new Pirates movie. We both enjoyed it, even though Owen and Elizabeth were practicing karate kicks throughout the previews.  They have been moving and wiggling a ton recently, which I think is great cause I get to feel them, but I know it wears on Stacey.  Later that day we were able to attend the baptism our some of our best friends' daughter.  It was awesome and she was ADORABLE!!  Afterwards, we went back to their house and discovered a new trick to get the babies to kick...cold hands.  Apparently they love the sensation and start moving like crazy when they feel them.

Monday was another busy as we went on a shopping /idea gathering trip with Stacey's mom.  I'm sure Stacey will follow this place holder blog up with one with more details but suffice it to say we made no purchases but did narrow the focus on what we want for the nursery.  I love my wife dearly but I have had to start pushing her a little more when it comes to making decisions.  She likes to overthink everything until she doesn't have to make one haha.   Now I will say that I am picking up the slack where I can, and making what decisions I can, but I am happy she is on board with collaborating on decision making.

Stacey was having some back pain the past few days so she finally caved on my wonderful advice and purchased a pregnancy pillow.  She was skeptical at first but considering she passed out about 15 minutes after trying it out I am thinking it was a great purchase.  We actually found out today at the doctor's appointment that she was experiencing back contractions (so that's my new learned thing of the day).  Luckily, they only happened twice and sporadically, so nothing too worrisome. But it's at that point where, in addition to checking on the kiddos health, they will start checking their living space as well to make a decision on when to go get them.  I have considered starting a Baby Pool as a way to raise some extra money haha.  

Well, if you stuck with me this long, you are either a glutton for punishment, or I wrote this post decently enough.  Let's get to the good part, today's doctor visit!  It went WONDERFUL!  Both kiddos are head down and heads together.  Stacey thinks that they are already plotting; and considering they are a mix of Stacey and myself, that probably is what's happening.  They were positioned well enough for the doctor to get some great measurements.    Owen is still doing great and is at 3 pounds 5 ounces.  He has started to slow his growth which the doctor says is normal for twins in the 28th-30th weeks.  I think the best news of the day goes to our little girl though.  She has done quite a bit of growing in the past few weeks and is now......

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3 pounds and 2 ounces!!!!  She is only 3 ounces behind her brother and also doing wonderful!  It was very exciting and emotional seeing her in the 22nd percentile after as small as she was; but she is just taking her own time to get big.  

What happens next is still up in the air; we know they have at least have 2 more weeks for sure in the oven, and hopefully another 6 after that.  Every week from here on out just makes them healthier and reduces chances they'll spend a lot of time in the NICU.   This has been such a roller coaster of a journey and we could not have done it without the support of all of you.  Thank you for being with us and I can't wait to share the next great news with you soon.

29 weeks - looking good

I'd thought that not too much had happened in the last week, so I hadn't felt a rush to post this week. Looking back, I guess there has been a bit more than I remembered right off.

We had our first baby shower last week at Spencer's office. We got what his coworker likes to call the baby limo (the stroller for those who couldn't guess that), as well as a bunch of diapers and wipes (should last us a couple of days, ha ha sigh). The babies have some cute socks, a handmade fleece blanket each, and UNT onesies. It was a nice party with lots of yummy treats. We even took our first bit of nursery decor from the decorations they'd made; it's a burlap type banner that says Welcome to the Wolfpack. All in all, a wonderful shower. Thanks UNT Admissions :)

I suppose I should throw in the fact that I turned 30 last week as one of our events. I don't feel old or anything; to me 30 is just another number. Because of the pregnancy we did some rather low key celebrations, which was perfect. Got to hang out with my favorite people, which is all I really wanted.

We had another appointment with the OB on Tuesday afternoon. I'm switching these to morning appointments from now on. We got to our 3:30 appointment early and then waited until after 4:30 to be called back for the nurse. I got my whopping cough vaccine and Rh shot before we got to wait for another 15 minutes or so to see the doctor. She did a scan for heartbeats. Both babies were head down, with Elizabeth's head on my right side and Owen in the middle. Their feet are both under my left ribcage area. No measurements on size, but heartbeats looked good. Fairly uneventful appointment after that. We go see her again in 2 weeks. So we now see a doctor a week, just alternating which doctor each week.

I swear I had a growth spurt overnight the other night. I'm now up about 21 pounds since the beginning of the pregnancy. My belly seems even bigger and my maternity clothes are starting to get a tad too small in some cases. Gonna have to get bigger shirts or get the sewing machine out and transform some of Spencer's shirts into maternity shirts. Sleeping has gotten harder because I can't find a comfortable way to sleep. The babies won't stop kicking and squirming, especially while I'm at work. I can tell my pelvis isn't happy with the amount of stretching it's being asked to do; everything is sore in that region. There's alot to complain about but really I'm doing ok and getting used to my new normal. I like feeling the kids kick and know that I'm doing the best I can for them right now. Still can't believe we have another 7-9 weeks to go before we get to meet them.

28 Weeks - Third Trimester starts

We had another growth scan earlier this week to see how the turkeys are doing.  Got some of the best news we'd heard in a month or so.  Elizabeth is back up above the 10th percentile; she's in the 15th percentile now!  The doctor was very impressed and released us back to every other week scans.  Here's a screenshot of the message our regular OB sent the next day after she got our report.  It made me smile.

Owen

Owen was back in his head down position during the scan so it was hard to get his measurements.  He's starting to practice breathing on his own.  His head measured above the 99th percentile in the scan, so I'm really glad right now we're opting for the c-section.  The doctor said that could even out with the rest of his body before he comes, but overall, he's still a big baby.  He's 2 pounds 11 ounces right now and measuring about a week ahead size-wise.

Elizabeth, who graced us
with a rare glimpse of her profile

Elizabeth's face using the 3D feature

In the middle of the doctor measuring Owen, she noticed that Elizabeth was showing her profile. Every scan we've had there, it seems that Elizabeth is facing my back and we never get any shots of her face.  So the doctor stopped measuring Owen and switched to snapping a few pictures of her profile and even used the 3D imaging to look at her. I think that image is a tad weird, but it's the best we got at the time.  Elizabeth is transverse with her head under my left ribs.  She was hiccuping during the scan and wiggling the whole time.  There were times I could see my belly shaking as she danced and performed for the doctor.  She's only a few days behind her gestational age, weighing in 3 ounces above 2 pounds.  She's only about half a pound behind her brother now.

Overall, we are super excited that she's doing better.  I'd upped my protein and water intake and will continue to do so in the hopes she will start gaining even more.  I'm resting more and more as simply walking and standing can be exhausting.  My hands and feet like to swell up some if I do too much.  I got a three week pass to the Rec Center on campus to use the pool to float for a little bit a few times a week.  That was nice the first day and I can't wait to go back again.  I feel the babies move much more now, especially after ice cream.  I also had what the doctor says was my first contraction last weekend.  After sitting down to dinner, I felt it and got worried.  I wasn't sure exactly what I'd felt, but thought I'd drink a glass of water and lay down for a while (I remembered reading that somewhere).  I didn't feel any more after that, so decided just to wait until the doctor's appointment in a day or two and report it then.  I'm hoping that continuing to rest and not overdo it will prevent it from happening again.

Well until next week...

27 weeks

Evening all! I know yall are probably anxious to know how the turkeys are doing, so I'll start with yesterday's doctors appointments (that's right, with an s!).

First appointment of the day was with our regular OB. I got to do my glucose tolerance test (I passed it). We also got to see the kiddos for a quick scan with the doctor to check heart beats. Both were squirming quite a bit (apparently they like the glucose drink), so their heart rates were a tad high. The doctor answered all of our questions, as much as she could. It's all up to our MFM doctor to call the shots. We will continue to see the OB every other week for now, unless the MFM says she want more scans done.

Our afternoon appointment with the MFM was and wasn't what we were expecting. We expected to have her measure the kids again and give and update on weight gain. Turns out that'll be every two weeks (so next week). This week was all about measuring the blood flow, which still looked good for both of them. She even said that it looked like they were starting to practice breathing, which is right on target for development.

I've gotten all of my blood work back from last week now; no infections or chomosomal trisomy issues causing Elizabeth's smaller size. So we are down to just placental size or placement or she's just super small. Either way, we go back weekly for the next few weeks. If Elizabeth isn't growing enough, we will go to twice weekly monitoring (once with the MFM and later in the week with the OB). If that's not enough, hospital bed rest to monitor her much closer. The concern is that while she's better off in me for now, as the weeks go on, that could change quickly. So more just waiting and hoping.

We also had our second class for preparing for multiples. It was all about postpartum and what to expect after delivery. Got some tips on breastfeeding too. Turns out because of my PCOS there is a small chance I'll have more trouble breastfeeding (due to crazy hormone issues). I'd not heard that before, but I'm not letting it get me down. We will cross that bridge when we get there.

As for me and the turkeys, I'm really starting to feel the load. I get exhausted very quickly and my hips always hurt. Elizabeth learned a new trick; she likes to use her foot (I think based on her position in the last scan) to push out. You can see and feel her pretty good, so I know she's a strong girl. They have been very active the last few days. My hands are constantly jumping around when I rest them on my belly. Luckily they let me sleep decently in between potty breaks every few hours.

We have a few showers planned so far (and hopefully the kids don't come too early). I'm trying to finish up our registry but it's taking way longer than I thought it would. So many choices to make. I have our buy buy baby one pretty much done; just trying to transfer alot of that stuff to target and babies r us now. I left off clothing, diapers, and bottles for now because I have no clue what the babies will like; I'll take anything in small bits right now and get more of whatever works best for them.

26 weeks

It's been a busy week for us. On Saturday, we did a tour of the maternity ward of the hospital we plan to deliver at. After a long wait, we got to see the labor and delivery rooms as well as the postpartum rooms. They described how a typical delivery goes and what we can expect. It was very much geared towards singletons and not twins, but it was still nice to see and hear what to expect that day. We saw the NICU area, which we hopefully won't need.

Sunday, we went down to Fort Worth for a preparing for multiples class. I wanted to take a few classes to help prepare us for what to expect, but wasn't sure how much I'd get out of a traditional class. That's why I was so excited to see this one, geared towards twin parents. It's a two part class, so we go again next weekend too. The first class was mostly an intro to labor and delivery. We watched alot of videos on different ways to give birth and then did a few exercises to help deal with the pain of labor. Spencer and I felt the class was a little judgy toward any birth besides a natural labor. The way the video and teacher explained the epidural process and even the c-section process seemed like they were looking down on those women who use them. Maybe we read too much into it, but I felt a tad bit of shame for going straight for a c-section and not even trying attempting a vaginal delivery. I'm gonna do like I usually do and brush it off; I'll do what I want and ignore everyone else. Next week is supposed to be more about after delivery, so we shall see what that's like. I'm trying to decide whether to cancel the class on baby care basics or attend and see if there aren't a few morsels of good, new info.

And the last big baby related event this week was our second scan with the specialist to check on Elizabeth's growth. Good news is that she grew, bad news is that it wasn't as much as we wanted and she slipped into the less than 10th percentile. Owen is still measuring big; he's just over two pounds right now and measuring a week ahead. Elizabeth was one pound nine ounces and measuring a week behind. I keep telling Owen he needs to share with his sister.

The doctor has finally seen all of the structures she needs to see on Elizabeth and thinks everything looks great. Blood flow, heart, and brain structures look normal. She is just proportionally small right now. The doctor gave us some reasons why, but doesn't really know anything yet. It could be the placenta didn't attach as well attach Owen's and she doesn't get ad much nutrients. There could be an infection, which would just be good for the pediatrician to know after she's here. Could be chromosomal issues, particularly a few trisomy possibilities; she doesn't have any of the soft markers for down syndrome. Or they could just be two different people and Wolf girls run small (alot of her female Wolf relatives are on the petite side). Basically, we don't know and just have to wait. I had some blood drawn to run tests for infection and chromosomes, but neither test may be 100% accurate because they are twins. Those results should take a week or two.

The doctor has moved up the due date a week, so I will not go past 36/37 weeks now. That translates to a July 12-19th delivery. We are also now going to the specialist weekly for a scan. She said that normal bedrest wouldn't necessarily be helpful to helping Elizabeth grow, but there is a small chance I could go on hospital bed rest for the extra monitoring. She made it seem like if we came in for a scan and she saw something concerning, she'd give it one more week to see an improvement and if not I go straight to the hospital until I deliver. So hopefully if it comes to that, I'll have about a week to prepare and settle everything at home and work.

In the mean time, we see both doctors again next week. I get to do my glucose tolerance test in the morning and we get to see the twins again in the afternoon. I'm working on applying for FMLA leave at work and trying to finish up some large projects before I go out. I'm finishing up our registry and starting to get a few baby showers planned.  We are also trying to get the house cleaned up, organized, and unnecessary items thrown out/donated.  It's crazy to think we have 10-11 weeks left (at the most).