Update

Spencer and I went in today for another beta test. The results came in a few hours later. My levels have dropped to 80. So this was a chemical pregnancy. There was something wrong with the embryo and it wouldn't have developed into a healthy baby. I'm am supposed to stop my progesterone and estrogen and come back for more betas until my number drops to 0.  Hopefully we can meet with the doctor soon and get even more answers.

We are completely devastated. We were so happy last week knowing that Frosty had made it through. It's hard to remember how exciting that felt since this week has just been bad news all week long.  I am just so disappointed that having a kid is so difficult for us.

We are going to take a short break and focus on us. I graduate in May and hope to get a promotion at work or find a better paying job at the least. Maybe shortly after that we can attempt another round once stress levels drop off again.

Thank you so much for all of the support. We feel so loved by our friends and family. I'm glad we got to share good news with you last week, but feel bad about taking that excitement away with the news this week.

Waiting game

Normally with an IVF cycle, you have a blood test to confirm pregnancy at nine days past transfer and again at 11 days past transfer.  These two tests are supposed to show an increase of at least 66%, preferably doubling within 72 hours.  This is a sign of a pregnancy progressing normally.  As everyone probably knows by now, our first test came back at 109, which confirmed that I am pregnant.  My second test did not happen until today, five days after the first, because of travel issues over the weekend.  For my numbers to show a 66% increase, I believe they should be around at least 300 now.  The results of this test showed my level at 163.  I had hoped that I heard the nurse incorrectly, but she confirmed the lower-than-desired level.  She said I need to come back in again on Wednesday to see what my levels are at.  She didn't really say that the levels are bad or good, just to retest. So of course, I turn to the internet...

The long and the short of it is that we don't really know what to expect from here on out.  My levels are not doubling like they should be, which could mean many things (most of which are not desired).  There is still a chance my levels go up again on Wednesday and Frosty is just growing a little slower for some reason. That's what we hope to hear on Wednesday and would like everyone to hope and pray for. However, the lower numbers could mean that Frosty had something wrong genetically and won't make it; it could also mean an ectopic pregnancy or that a twin didn't make it (which I am not sure applies to our case since we only transferred one embryo).  I am hopeful that Frosty is just as stubborn as I am and will kick it into high gear and raise those numbers up by Wednesday. However, it's hard not to dwell on the more likely outcome that this round just wasn't successful again, even though it started off well.

This has been very hard news to hear after such excitement last week.  I know everyone was so happy for us.  This news breaks my heart and I hope that I'm over-reacting and it all turns out OK after all.  I just ask for prayers and good thoughts and a Christmas miracle right now.  I plan to do my best over the next few days to provide Frosty with the best home possible and hope for the best.  With any luck, my next post will have a much happier message.

Beta Test: Round II

I’m going to start with what everyone is really waiting for…Frosty made it through! We are pregnant!  It’s still very early and we have a few more hurdles to get through, but we wanted to share the exciting news with everyone.  When I started this blog, I decided that I want to share the good and the bad with y’all.  So hopefully it’s only good news from here on out.

Now for the rest of the update since my last post…

Spencer has been doing a great job with my progesterone shots.  I barely feel them and haven't had any knots in my bum from the oil not absorbing properly.  We even had to do one at the car after his graduation, which was a tad different. The progesterone has definitely had an effect on me though; see the symptoms below, most of them are caused by the progesterone shots.

Today was my beta test to determine if Frosty made it through the two week wait.  A short blood draw in the morning, then a long wait throughout the day for that phone call.  I had to let it go to voicemail because I had interview committee obligations to fulfill throughout the morning.  But once that was done, I looked at my phone and saw the text version of the voicemail.  The key words that stood out to me were congratulations, positive, 109! I was so giddy, but ending a conversation with some coworkers so I kept it inside for a few minutes.  I was shaking by the time I walked out of the library and headed to my car.  I texted Spencer immediately and told him the good news.  I’m pretty sure I’ve cried and been very shaky over the news, as well as absolutely giddy.  It was much easier to function at work the rest of the day compared to when we got the bad news two months ago, even if it was a little hard to focus.

I have another blood test on Saturday to determine if my levels keep rising. The doctor wants to see my level at over 220 to indicate a healthy increase and healthy pregnancy.  So keep the good thoughts and prayers coming please.  We are not completely out of the woods yet, so it’s cautious optimism right now.  After Saturday’s blood test, the next hurdle is the ultrasound to make sure the baby is actually there and it’s not just an empty sac; we might even get to hear the heartbeat then.  I know most women wouldn’t even share this news for another two months, but I don’t care.  I want everyone to be able to celebrate with us now and hopefully at each milestone along the way.  And if, God forbid, we do get bad news eventually, we know we have an excellent support network to mourn with (let’s hope we don’t have to use it though).

Shot/blood draw counter: IIII IIII IIII IIII IIII IIII IIII IIII II

Symptom tracker:  still a little tired (sleepy time is around 8:30/9 pm most nights), nose goes crazy with random smells, taste buds are off making lots of food not as delicious as it used to be, dizzy more often, a little bloated most of the time, hot flashes occasionally, cry more at things that shouldn't really make a grown woman cry (the news gets really iffy sometimes depending on how many heartwarming stories they have to share), slightly crampy (but that's completely normal as Frosty digs in and my uterus makes room for him/her), allergies have been going haywire the last two weeks (I even had to go to my primary care doctor to get antibiotics my sore throat got so bad)

Transfer day: Round II

So apparently I only posted about transfer day on Facebook, not here.

Second time's the charm

On Monday, December 7th, we transferred one little embryo (I'm calling it Frosty).  The transfer went smoothly.

Frosty is back home!

Baby's first picture

I spent the rest of the week sending out good vibes, not stressing about anything, drinking tons of water, and eating healthy.  I had allergy issues because of the crazy Texas weather the first week of December, and after the transfer things hadn't changed too much. I still had a runny nose and dry throat.  Because of the junk going on in the head, I found it hard to notice any possible symptoms during the two week wait.  We also didn't want to test early at home this time, so the blood test on Wednesday December 16th will be a total surprise.

Things are moving right along!

I just came back from my latest sonogram appointment.  The nurse said my lining looked great, measuring about 9 mm and 11 mm on the two different measurements (I think-the screen wasn't really facing me as much as it usually is so those are the numbers I think I saw).  She said we are right on track for a transfer next week.  After looking at the doctor's schedule, she picked 2:45 on Monday, December 7th.  We finally decided to transfer just one embryo this time. There was a lot of debate between ourselves over one or two (my rational side said one, while the hormonal/emotional side said two), but both the doctor and the embryologist suggested just one since they are rated perfect quality.  The embryologist said that if the one embryo doesn't thaw very well and the quality is downgraded, they can quickly thaw another and we can transfer two in that situation.  So this is all exciting news!

I have one more subcutaneous shot of Lupron to give myself tonight and then Spencer takes over with the intramuscular ones in my bum for the progesterone.  Knowing how well it went last time, I don't think I'm as nervous about these this time around.  I don't have to do the patches of estrogen like last time; it's just a pill form of estrogen this time.  I'm happy with this because the sticky from the patches was hard to get off and the patches were just kind of annoying.  I'm not really sure what else to write about right now, so I'll just leave you with what Spencer says is his favorite part of the blog (and something I'd stopped doing):

Shot/blood draw counter: IIII IIII IIII IIII IIII I

Symptom tracker: tired (sleepy time is around 8:30/9 pm most nights), nose goes crazy with random smells, taste buds are off making lots of food not as delicious as it used to be, dizzy more often, a little bloated most of the time, hot flashes occasionally, cry more at things that shouldn't really make a grown woman cry (the news gets really iffy sometimes depending on how many heartwarming stories they have to share)

Round 2

We decided to jump right back in with a second round, this time with our frozen embryos.  We paid our $2500 fee last month when we learned that we could start a frozen cycle almost immediately and it would not interfere with our holiday plans.  The medication was ordered and after a week of not hearing anything about setting up the shipment, I called the insurance company to check on it.  They thought it was just an approval, so it kind of got lost in the shuffle.  They finally got it sorted out, but wanted to charge me $600 for one of the medications (Lupron), so I decided to look elsewhere.  I asked the IVF coordinator to send the entire prescription to the place we used last time, but turns out they only sent the order for the super-expensive medication.  So I just ordered that one, and called back the insurance to order the others instead of messing with the doctor's office again.  After being told the exact opposite about coverage as I heard the day before, and after thirty minutes and five people later, it got sorted out and ordered the rest of my medications (which were all covered by insurance!).

Medications came on Tuesday and my appointment for the first sonogram was yesterday.  They checked my lining, which was 3.6 mm; the nurse said this looked right on track.  After I got dressed again, the nurse went over my calendar and injections.  I start Lupron injections today and continue those for several weeks. I won't start progesterone shots until December and our transfer is early December some time.  I also met with one of the embryologists about our frozen embryos.  We have 4 perfect embryos, so they will just pick one or two of those randomly and thaw.  We have to decide how many to transfer so they know how many to thaw.  

Both the doctor and embryologist said one embryo ought to take just fine, and that two is not necessary, but they'll do it if we want.  The embryologist also said we could thaw one and if it didn't thaw perfectly, we could thaw another and switch to transferring two last minute.  I'm so torn on what to do.  Last time was supposed to work just fine too, so I'm a tad skeptical when they say that one ought to take just fine.  I want to do two to increase our odds, but it also increases our odds of twins drastically. I don't think I'd mind twins, but that would be a lot of change all at once, a lot of extra expenses that I don't know we can afford just yet, and could possibly lead to major complications with the pregnancy.  I'd like to transfer one, but I'm afraid it won't take and we will have to pay again to do another round.  I'm just so torn on what to do; I've done lots of research and there is still no easy decision.  I'm leaning towards just one (two if the one thawed one doesn't look as perfect), but I'm so nervous about that decision.  I just want someone to tell me what to do and take this huge decision out of my hands, while guaranteeing whatever they decide will work out as planned (a girl can dream, right?).

So here are some numbers that I have found in my research and impact my decisions.

Odds:
Our clinic has historically had about 30% success rate with frozen transfers resulting in a baby; the average transfer rate is 1.7, so many people transferred more than one.  The fresh cycle shows a similar average transfer rate and about 42% chance of twins.  Based on my diagnosis, my individualized cumulative odds of success are 48% probability of live birth after one cycle; 69% after two cycles; and 81% after three cycles.  My odds of two cycles with one embryo is 68% probability of live birth and only 3% chance of twins. If I do one cycle with two embryos my probability drops to 57% of live birth and 41% chance of twins.

Risks of transferring one:

• Could not take and we have to try yet again
• Could take and still face complications with the pregnancy
• Could still split into twins

Risks of transferring two:

• Multiple births increase the risk of premature birth and low birth weight in infants. This can affect survival and well-being of newborns. These babies may require special care immediately after birth and at times, can face life-long problems such as developmental disabilities and delays.
• Women who carry multiples may be more likely to need Caesarean sections which may require a longer period of recovery, and at times, can increase the risk of hemorrhage during and after delivery.
• Some who become pregnant with multiples may find one or more cannot survive to term or even a premature birth. This may lead to a medical need to perform fetal reduction.

Beta Test

I'm sure many of you are waiting to hear how the beta test went and if I'm pregnant.  Sadly, it was negative.  It was really rough getting this news just before lunch on Friday.  I'll admit, I cried a bunch and did my best to finish out my work day.  This was one of those days that I'm glad I work in a cubicle and that my coworkers don't often start up conversations.  I wasn't in the mood for talking.  I had texted Spencer, as per our agreement; I don't know how he managed to keep teaching all day long after getting that news.  We have an appointment on Thursday to talk to the doctor about what might have happened and what the steps are going forward.  We still have several more frozen embryos to try again, once we raise the funds we need.  I think our football team is out of the picture, but we could still aim for a baseball team. ;-P

I'm trying to not let this get me too down but it's hard.  This seemed like such a sure thing the way the doctor had described it. I knew our chances were only around 40-50%, but he kept saying how great everything looked, despite our problems.  And I've lucked into having so many issues that have small percentages of people having them, I figured low odds shouldn't be a problem.  Things had been looking up for us, so the universe was finally going to be nice to us. Wrong.  I don't blame the doctor for this not working, he did the best he could and we probably should have taken his advice and done the frozen transfer when he brought it up.  But we were so excited and ready to go. And if it was going to make that much of a difference, why did he wait to bring up the issue until the last possible minute?  He could have mentioned it or had the nurse mention it when I was told to trigger or when we went in for the retrieval.  Or even as the embryos were growing.  Not when we had both taken an entire day off of work for this procedure and were sitting in the office just minutes away from transfer.  Or push a little harder saying your odds of success diminish greatly by proceeding, I highly recommend waiting.  And maybe he didn't think it would really make that much difference and we could proceed with little risk. Maybe he say more on Thursday.  In the meantime, I'm mad and frustrated and disappointed. Mad that we spent about $13k and have nothing to show for it this round but some frozen embryos (and each round after will cost another $3k). Frustrated that I stuck myself with a needle over 30 times and Spencer stabbed me in the butt every night for two weeks with no baby this round.  Disappointed that this is the route we have to take in the first place to make a family and that it didn't work the first time like we had hoped. 

I'm still hopeful that we will be able to do a frozen round soon and that this one will work. We will have to get more loans to afford it though and due to the holidays coming up, it may not be until early next year.  We will know more about scheduling after our appointment on Thursday.  In the meantime, we will do what we can to save money, raise money, and get healthier to give our next shot better odds.  It's definitely been a hard road and part of me regretted going public when I got the bad news. But a bigger part of me is glad I have so many friends and family cheering for us and supporting us. So thank you. Thank you for your prayers and good thoughts. Keep those coming please. Thank you for reading my blog and learning more about this crappy, sucky, roller-coaster of a process.  I'm glad that you know more about what so many women have to go through to have a family.