Deep cleaning

Two weeks ago, I had surgery to remove the large endometriomas on my ovaries and clean up a bunch of other stuff in me.  (Don't worry if you didn't know, I didn't tell too many people).

Doctor said that everything went well.  There was a lot of endometriosis to clean up, but this was still surface-level; it hadn't embedded itself yet (reminded me of mold kind of). He removed the cysts off each ovary.  Funny thing at this point: my bowels were almost completely wrapped around my left ovary (probably part of the reason that one kept twinging).  The doctor separated everything and placed some bio-gel stuff inside to help keep things in its place while I heal.  There was some abnormal stuff inside my uterus, but he clean that up as well. 

I had a rough time coming out of the anesthesia, cold and nauseous. But we avoided staying overnight and got to go home.  It was robotic surgery, so there is very minimal bruising around the incisions. The pain afterwards wasn't too bad, except the gas that gets trapped with laparoscopy procedures. Once that found its way out, recovery went decently.  The doctor got his way and kept me out for two whole weeks.  I felt fine to return to work by the end of the first week, but since the doctor wouldn't release me, I spent the time watching TV, letting the dog in and out, and doing a few light chores.  

My post-op appointment this morning finally released me back to work!  I got to see all of the pictures from the surgery, which I love. The doctor removed the glue over my incisions, which look really good.  Not sure if it was seeing what they did, my incisions are exposed to more rubbing from my shirt now that the glue is gone, or using my abs to sit up and lay back, but I am feeling a tad sore after the appointment.  But doctor said that we'll do an ultrasound in a few weeks and if that looks good, we could start a new transfer cycle soon!

Moving day

Couple of Mondays ago, after weeks of paperwork and emails, we moved our embryos out of Bedford to our new clinic. It took awhile to confirm a date, but it finally all got worked out in the end.  I drove to Bedford to pick up the embryos the embryologist packed in a special liquid nitrogen transport container. She showed me the straw our embryos are packed in to prove they are in there. I got lots of paperwork to take with them (mostly pictures, inventory, and their freezing processes).  

Then it was off to Dallas to drop off the embryos. The embryologist there unpacked the container and added our embryos to their storage area. They are all tucked in and awaiting our next transfer. Then it was off to Bedford to return the shipping container and say goodbye to that clinic. Kind of bittersweet, but I'm ok with the decision.

I just had to know...

Over the last few weeks, we have gotten all of our test results back from Dr. Gada's office. Everything came back normal, which is good news. We met with the doctor today to discuss our next steps. We had a really good chat about everything. We have two options: test the embryos or proceed with another frozen transfer with a different protocol than we've tried before.  The new protocol would exclude lupron (yay! that saves nearly $700 and dozens of shots) and use a higher dose of estrogen to prep me for transfer.  We'd also use baby aspirin (because it doesn't hurt and some doctors believe it helps so why not?) and vitamin D supplements (my levels were slightly low). We also discussed how many embryos we should transfer.  He went through the usual one is safest, but also said that two would not be something he'd necessarily refuse. Because we have had so many failed transfers, he is okay with us being more aggressive by transferring two embryos.  As you may have guessed, we have decided to do another transfer and wait on testing the embryos.

We are excited to try again, but have a few steps before we get to that. We need to transfer the embryos from our first clinic. This involves a bunch of paperwork before I can go pick them up and drop them off in Southlake.  We also have another hurdle before we attempt another cycle....

The last few weeks, I've had a pain in my left ovary area. I assumed it was my endometrioma twinging, but part of me was scared that it's actually my one tube blocked and swollen like what was wrong with my other tube.  The doctor offered to do a scan to ease my mind.   (This is where the title of this post comes in.)  Turns out my tube is fine; it is my endometrioma causing my pain. It's gotten so big that the doctor has said surgery may actually be an option before a transfer. He said we are borderline needing the surgery; it could be helpful, or it may not be necessary and a frozen transfer would work just fine without it. It's up to us to decide at this point.

We have decided to go ahead and do the surgery before attempting another cycle. Insurance will cover the robotic surgery and I'm already aways into my out of pocket max this year, so we won't pay as much as we would next year. Looks like we may get to itemize our taxes again and deduct our medical expenses. Plus, cleaning out the endometriosis will help my fertility (or at least my pain levels). Surgery is planned for October 7 at the moment. Hopefully recovery goes quickly and we can go straight into a frozen cycle immediately after.

One of these days we will leave the doctors office with good news....

Third one's the charm this time

Hubby and I went to church this weekend for the first time in forever.  We need to get our marriage convalidated with the Catholic church so my husband can be godfather to his best friend's brand new baby. To do that, we decided to start going to church more often and this last weekend was our first Sunday back in town. It was a nice service, but the homily struck a little close to home.  It was all about perseverance in asking God for what you want; that some things take time and determination but God will deliver in the end. The day before I was telling Spencer how frustrated I was with our second opinion and don't hold much hope for the third opinion. I was ready to take a nice long break of all this. The message on Sunday was the perfect sign to keep pushing forward and to not give up.

Today's appointment added to my newfound optimism. This time, we saw Dr. Gada at a clinic in Southlake (so close to home!!). We got there and filled out paperwork (although I don't know why they couldn't have printed it off of the portal information I provided instead of making me fill out the same information again). We were actually called back rather quickly, before our appointment time. We sat in an office for a while, but I think we saw the doctor just around our appointment time, maybe a tad earlier. This was a nice change from previous doctors who have made us wait for 20-30 minutes past our appointment time before calling us back.  He started off just like the other doctors did; he said he understood that we would be frustrated but that he was confident that he could help us have a kid.  He said we just need to be persistent and we will eventually hit on the right formula for me. To me, this was about as clear a sign as could be that this is the right place to be. He could have used many other words, but he used that key word persistent- the same word from church on Sunday.  Dr. Gada just seemed to speak my language and seemed to know exactly what I needed/wanted to hear. 

He said that there is nothing to suggest that our embryos are bad or that we need to do a new retrieval (like opinion two said). Whoo-hoo! That saves us a bundle.  He shared Dr. Doody's opinion that these embryos will eventually get us a baby; it just may take many more transfers.  He said we could test the embryos if we want; data shows that the thawing process doesn't stress the embryo too much and testing provides good data about which embryos we should use.  He said that there were some tests we could run on me to determine if everything is fine with me; if they come back normal, then we can proceed with the more expensive tests on the embryos.  This was the second sign for me that I want to switch to this doctor.  He suggested one of the tests I've been wanting but was too frustrated/timid to ask for.  He didn't seem to mind ordering a second test that I asked for, saying it may not have anything to add to our process, but he doesn't mind ordering as many cheaper blood tests as I want.  He made me feel very comfortable and heard. I decided to be blunt and ask for pricing as everything came to a close.  My original plan was to get prices and game plans from other doctors, so this would have been a slightly unsuccessful trip if I hadn't gotten their pricing.  It's not too far from Dr. Doody's office, just a tad bit more on some parts, but he suggested that they may be able to match Dr. Doody's prices on certain things.  They definitely seem better priced than opinion two.

Overall, I feel like this is where the next step of our journey is going.  I feel really good about our process again. I feel like we have a plan now.  We are running some tests on me and one on Spencer.  We should get those results in about two weeks and have a better idea of whether we need to test the embryos or just try another frozen transfer.  I'm excited and optimistic about our future.  I still hate this process and that this is our fate, but I will remain persistent.

Opinions...lots of opinions

Our followup appointment with Dr. Doody didn't provide many answers. It was alot like last time; we just had bad luck and try again. He gave us pricing info for testing our remaining embryos, but didn't really recommend doing it. He said there aren't too many tests with scientific merit that we can run on me either. Basically try again and hope for the best.

Anticipating not getting many answers from Dr. Doody, I decided I wanted other opinions. Our referral had expired, so I figured why not get referrals to new doctors when asking for the renewal. So I found two doctors online that say they treat endometriosis and infertility. I made appointments to see both by the end of July. My hope is that they will have a different idea on how to proceed and maybe be more open to running tons of tests.

We saw the first of the two doctors last week. Dr. Goldstein only sees patients in Frisco (I thought he went to their southlake location too, just a few minutes from us) which makes for quite a trek. We went over our history with Dr. Goldstein and did a new scan and drew blood for some tests. He wants to do a few more tests and then meet again in a few weeks to go over results. As of right now, he feels that our current batch of embryos must not be very good because they haven't worked yet. He feels the best option for proceeding is to do yet another retrieval and a frozen transfer after that. He's confident that with a different drug protocol and (better) lab, we can get better embryos and have more success.  He said we could try to thaw all of our embryos and pick the best couple to transfer and cross our fingers.

I don't even know what to think or do at this point. A year ago, I had really expected to only need to do one retrieval and that we could have a whole family from the resulting embryos. That definitely hasn't worked yet. I don't know how we will afford to do another retrieval; Dr. Goldstein quoted us about $13-15k. For now, I'm just gathering information. We still have another opinion and pricing to gather. Then we can sit down and discuss things.

this sucks

Second beta was today.  It came back as less than one, so we officially have a chemical pregnancy on our hands.  Two perfectly-rated embryos and neither one stuck.  It's quite disappointing. I have no plan for how to proceed at this moment. I guess we will start with the followup with the doctor and go from there.  I've no idea how we can afford another cycle any time soon at this point.  We are just very disappointed with this news.  I can't help feeling quite inadequate.

Prayers and good thoughts please!

I tested yesterday on a home pregnancy test and it was negative.  Quite disappointing since I'd convinced myself I was having plenty of symptoms.  There are a myriad of reasons the test could be negative, so I wasn't completely giving up hope.  It could still be too early, the dollar store test I used wasn't sensitive enough, or the test expires this month.

Today was my actual beta test. I went and got my blood drawn and then went to physical therapy.  Just as I was finishing up at PT, I got the phone call.  My level is 9.9. Anything over 5 is considered positive, but this is a very low positive, so I should not get my hopes up. The nurse said cautious optimism until I go back on Saturday for another beta.  We are hoping for 20 or more as the result for that test.  That would put us on track for a positive pregnancy.  If it doesn't rise, then it's another chemical pregnancy.  I'm not letting myself think that far ahead, just staying positive that this little embryo(s) is just a procrastinator and as stubborn as me.

So lots of prayers and positive thoughts please!