this sucks

Second beta was today.  It came back as less than one, so we officially have a chemical pregnancy on our hands.  Two perfectly-rated embryos and neither one stuck.  It's quite disappointing. I have no plan for how to proceed at this moment. I guess we will start with the followup with the doctor and go from there.  I've no idea how we can afford another cycle any time soon at this point.  We are just very disappointed with this news.  I can't help feeling quite inadequate.

Prayers and good thoughts please!

I tested yesterday on a home pregnancy test and it was negative.  Quite disappointing since I'd convinced myself I was having plenty of symptoms.  There are a myriad of reasons the test could be negative, so I wasn't completely giving up hope.  It could still be too early, the dollar store test I used wasn't sensitive enough, or the test expires this month.

Today was my actual beta test. I went and got my blood drawn and then went to physical therapy.  Just as I was finishing up at PT, I got the phone call.  My level is 9.9. Anything over 5 is considered positive, but this is a very low positive, so I should not get my hopes up. The nurse said cautious optimism until I go back on Saturday for another beta.  We are hoping for 20 or more as the result for that test.  That would put us on track for a positive pregnancy.  If it doesn't rise, then it's another chemical pregnancy.  I'm not letting myself think that far ahead, just staying positive that this little embryo(s) is just a procrastinator and as stubborn as me.

So lots of prayers and positive thoughts please!

5dp5dt

Today marks five days past our 5 day embryo transfer (that's what the title means in abbreviations).

The pups are on board!

On Tuesday, May 10, we transferred two embryos.  They were originally rated perfectly at 4AA, but during the thaw, embryo two got downgraded to a 4AB.  It's still a great rating, though. 

I'd forgotten how uncomfortable the whole transfer process is. I had to have a full bladder so they could see the uterus better. Then during the transfer, they push the ultrasound wand into my tummy to visualize where to aim the embryos. That doesn't include the pap-smear-like process going on as well. They get me all prepped and then call the lab for the embryos. Our two came in one little syringe that the doctor shot into my lining. Then they take the syringe back to the lab to make sure it's empty. Instead of getting to use the restroom, I have to lay there for a while; after that, it's just go home and rest up.  

The little mouse pointer is where our pups are.

We also get to keep doing the progesterone shots every night; I say we because Spencer has to do those still.  I've not been able to work up the courage to try the intramuscular shots on myself.  We have found that my right side doesn't hurt, while the left side is rather uncomfortable; funny how that happens.

Over the last week, I've been working on providing the best environment possible.  I cleaned up my diet, eating more fruits and veggies and less sugar. I've taken it easy, trying not to do too much or stress over anything. I don't feel any different but it's still early.  The chart below shows exactly what happens each day past transfer.  So as of now, implantation ought to be complete and the placenta and fetus cells are developing.  I have my first pregnancy test on Thursday, May 19 (my birthday!).  Because it's my birthday and I'm nervous to ruin my birthday with bad news, I may test on Wednesday or ask the nurse to not call me until the second beta test.  I haven't decided yet though.

So cross every finger and all your toes that at least one of these little pups dig in and stick around!

Third Time's the Charm!! (two threes for two embryos)

Transfer impending

Sorry for being so quiet these last few weeks.  It's been a busy month or so.  I've been rather busy with trying to finish up my homework before graduation on Friday!  I also got to attend the Texas Library Association annual conference in Houston.  I've been doing physical therapy for my back ache that just wouldn't go away.  I was house sitting for my parents while they were out of town.  It's been very busy to say the least.  Allow me to catch you up on how our cycle is going.

The lupron shots went well.  Some nights they stung a bit more than others.  I had to take them with me to the conference, so the swankiest place I've given myself a shot is now the restroom of a Hilton hotel. I didn't notice too many symptoms from the lupron; either I didn't have any or I was too busy to notice.  My second appointment went well. Everything looked just like they wanted it to. I added in the estrogen pills about two weeks ago.  And a week ago, my lining check looked great; good and fluffy and ready to have an embryo snuggle in.  I've stopped the lupron shots now, replacing them with the progesterone in oil shots that Spencer has to give me.  He has done a great job with them; my left side hurts, but the right side usually goes off with very little discomfort.  Finally, in preparation for transfer, I was on a steroid and antibiotic for a few days.  I think I was taking about 8-9 pills a day for a few days!  This process sure does require a lot of medications.

Tomorrow afternoon is our transfer day.  We ask for good thoughts and prayers for a successful transfer.  I am at a loss for what else to say about it. Third time is the charm!