The kids came home

My parents were watching the kids most of last week while I was the most laid up after surgery. They came home after daycare on Friday. It was hard for them the first few days to remember that mommy can't pick them up. But they have done really well. I can sit with them and they can sit in my lap pretty well without hurting me.

Owen has far surpassed my expectations. He had some major meltdowns the first day or so because I wouldn't pick him up when he wanted. But I would sit down and hold him until he was better. Now he seems to be the more conscious one of going easy on me. He is much more gentle around me than Elizabeth. And in the mornings, he has me stand up then he takes my hand to go down the stairs together. So cute how he leads me.

Elizabeth has done pretty well but she seems more incapable of controlling her flailing arms and ends up hitting my stomach occasionally. Nothing has hurt too bad, but she definitely needs to work on self-control.

Both have been really cute about wanting to see my owwies; they lift my shirt up and touch the glue on my incisions ever so gently. It makes me a tad sad seeing them play with my tummy knowing they will never get to do that for a baby brother or sister. Not that was ever a plan, but knowing it'll never happen now makes it seem more real.

Surgery and post-op

Surgery went well on Monday. We were one of the first people back in that area and our morning included a lot of questions and waiting. Finally, it was time to get wheeled back. It was typical surgery prep and I don't remember anything from a few seconds after leaving the prep room.

I woke up in recovery and felt like I needed to pee and my legs were shaking although I didn't really feel cold. They gave me meds for the shaking, ice chips, and told me not to think about the catheter and I'll get used to it eventually. After a little bit in recovery, they wheeled me into my room in the women's wing where Spencer was waiting. I got some morphine and took a nap.  I had a rough time getting used to the catheter. I could feel the urge to go and it was just uncomfortable. I was told to lay on my side to help my bladder and colon calm down, so I tried that. Most of the afternoon passed by with napping and pain meds. I got some dinner and ate a some of it.

Overnight, I started getting hydrocodone instead of morphine, which lasted longer. Sleep wasn't great but the meds helped knock me out. The overnight nurse was great. She moved my catheter bag to the ground to help with the flow, and after she did that, it wasn't so bad anymore. The next morning, I got the catheter out and was able to pee on my own not too much later. I also sat up in the chair for a little bit to help with the gas pain. The nurse said that I would get released by lunchtime. Spencer drove me home and got me into bed. I had some jello for lunch and took another nap. The next 36 hours or so went pretty much the same. Lots of sitting around watching tv with the occasional walk around the kitchen or to the bathroom.

Three days post-op now and most of the gas pain has disappeared. My muscles are sore and it feels like there is extra space for my skin or organs to fold oddly when I turn the wrong way (hard to describe). But I can mostly walk upright and get around on my own now. Doctor was surprised I was able to move once she got inside. I'm surprised I don't have more pain from surgery (most of it has been from the catheter or gas they pumped in me). I'm hoping to take a shower today. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop and my recovery get more difficult. I don't necessarily notice a change in my hormones yet, but I figure it'll happen soon.

Good signs moving forward

I haven't had time to post anything sooner because I have had a lot going on a work lately. I'm in the process of hiring a new staff person, preparing for my presentation on automating authority control (which happened this morning and went well), and tying up loose ends at work. Plus I was out sick with a stomach bug that really knocked me out for a day; top that with two doctors appointments and it's been a busy week for sure. So now that everything seems to have wrapped up nicely, I can finally sit and write this post.

My first doctor appointment this week was to see an endometriosis specialist. I wasn't a big fan of his style, but he really knows his stuff. He explained everything about endometriosis- how you get it, what it is, what causes it to grow, pros and cons of different treatments, and studies on hormones. I had already learned a bunch of it, but there were a few new things I found especially relevant right now.
• Studies have shown that no hormones and estrogen only hormone replacement therapies have minimal impact on increasing one's chance for breast cancer. Estrogen and progesterone together increases the chances drastically. But estrogen gets the bad reputation for some reason.
• While a hysterectomy is not a cure for endometriosis, when combined by excision of what endo is visible, 90+% of patients have less pain. There are complications that can happen, but hearing that eased my fears that this surgery was a bad idea. I should expect to feel better afterwards, but there is a chance later in the future that I might need another excision surgery. I can live with that.
Overall, I feel like I'm on the right track. This appointment gave me more tools for advocating for my own health in the future.

My second appointment was my pre-op admission stuff. I got the insurance break down (the hospital alone charges a crap ton of money let alone the other parties involved). Then I answered what seemed like a million questions with the nurse about my health background. I felt pretty at ease most of the time, especially after the nurse said her son shares my exact birthday down to the year. If that's not a good sign, I don't know what it. She drew blood to run some tests and gave me all of my directions for preparing for Monday morning.

So come Monday, I'll be starting a new chapter in my life, surgical menopause. I will no longer have a uterus or my ovaries or my one remaining tube. No more periods but no more hormones either unless I want to add them back in. And hopefully a life with less pain. It will be a six week recovery process, during which I can't lift more than 10 pounds. The kids weigh about 26-27 pounds each, so it's going to be a long six weeks of not being able to carry them. We have tried working in getting them to walk on their own more the last few weeks and they are doing better. My hope is that they instinctively know they need to behave a little bit better during this time.

Overall, I'm feeling positive about my surgery on Monday. All of the signs the universe has thrown out there have been positive. I haven't seen one negative one. Everything just seems to keep falling into place. Of course, I'm not looking forward to being cut open, but this will be my fifth surgery in a little over 4 years so I know in general what to expect. I'm looking forward to the end result.

How my body has betrayed me

I don't really know how to start this post. I last posted in early April about all of the doctor's visits regarding the pain/infection in my ovary. I did make an appointment with the gynecological oncologist in April and we decided instead of rushing to surgery, let's give the antibiotics a few months and see what everything looks like. I had a few conferences in May and June and the kids' birthday in July, so I didn't want to do anything before mid-July anyways. The pain had gone away and I had started doing the nuvaring back to back so no period for a while.

I went in for another scan in mid-June. The oncologist doesn't do scans in office like my gynecologist so I went to an imaging place. They got me in super quick. The technician didn't describe anything she was seeing, nor did I get to even see the screen. All I could tell about the procedure was that she took at ton of pictures. I wondered at the time if it was normal to have that many taken. I knew that I wouldn't know anything until my follow up with the oncologist.

Spencer had a fair to attend for work during my appointment, so I took my mom with me for moral support. The doctor came in and told us that what's on my ovaries is smaller, but still there and still a decent size. She suspects that the infection and inflammation is gone, but that my endometriomas are still there and rather big. I have two on my left side that are the size of a lime and a walnut and one on my right the size of a grape. She suggested just taking everything out. So at the ripe age of 32, I get to go through surgical menopause. Because of my endometriosis, hormone replacement therapy may not be the best route for me afterwards.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around it all. I'm scheduled for surgery on August 5th right now. I kept debating whether or not to postpone again for a long time, but the pain comes back every now and again. Plus my boss said August would be a good time for me to be out for awhile. I have a consult with an endometriosis expert on the 30th. That's mostly for a second opinion on how to proceed after surgery (i.e., hormone replacement or not). This surgery won't cure me of my endometriosis, but perhaps it can go along way toward easing the pain.

Medical mystery

After a very long doctor's appointment today, I finally am on the road to answers. A week ago, I started to feel super crummy. Just off. I went home from work early and found out I had a low fever. Hubby made me go to the urgent care to get checked out. By then, my left ovary was quite painful and I didn't have any appetite. I was crampy and had a back ache. The doctor annoyed me by asking how I knew the pain was from my ovary when there are several options in that location. I nicely told her I have had endometriomas on my ovary and the pain felt the same as it did when those flared up. She felt around my pelvis area and then had me leave a urine sample. She diagnosed me with an infection (probably UTI) and put me on antibiotics. Said follow up with PCP or gyno if it doesn't get better.  I spent another day and a half at home in pain and taking my antibiotics. I felt okish by Friday and over the weekend, although I had pain and a low grade fever off and on still.  Urgent care called back and said my urine culture turned out negative but to keep taking the antibiotics. Friday, I also started a period about two weeks early. So while bad timing, at least it helped explain some of my symptoms.

Monday, I finally got to see my PCP. She said my hormones are probably out of whack and that she wants to run labs and do a scan. She figured my gyno would want to do all of the same things, and since I already had an appointment for tomorrow, she was just going to wait. I asked her to do the blood work now so I can get the results that much faster. I'll insist on the scan at my appointment on Tuesday.

My appointment with the gyno was way more involved than I expected when I made the appointment months ago. It started as a well woman exam. She found a huge polyp to remove, about the size of my pinky finger tip. She sent me for an ultrasound next. There the tech didn't describe much, but I noticed her measuring a cyst on my right ovary that was decently big. Then by the end of the exam, measurement stats popped up on screen. My left ovary measured 3 times bigger than my right. So I was told to wait for my doctor again to go over results.  Turns out that my pain doesn't seem to be endometriomas like I thought. I have a bunch of cysts (I also have PCOS so I'm not surprised by that news) and an infection. They can't do an exploratory laparoscopy until the infection is gone. So I'm back on antibiotics for two more weeks. Then no surgery for at least 6 weeks after that. In the meantime, I have a referral to see a gynecological oncologist. My doctor feels that given my history of endo and now this random infection, that if I'm done having kids, then maybe just take everything out. I was already prepared to fight for this option just because of how much pain I've been in every month. Now that it's a real option, it seems so much bigger.

So, I have some answers. We need a few more. And I'm going to do my best to stay in the present and not worry about the future.