It’s been almost a year since our first blood test to
determine what was wrong with my cycles.
We are still taking things one day at a time even though we are
extremely disappointed with the cards life keeps dealing us. But I refuse
to be brought down completely and will try to look on the bright side.
This whole experience is teaching us patience. And I have a
feeling that we are going to need a lot of it when we finally do get a
kid. Hearing stories about what Spencer
was like as a kid and knowing my thoughts growing up, our kids are going to be
a handful, I’m sure. Sweet angels, but
little devils as well. Spencer has the
guts to do things, even if he knows he’ll get in trouble; I schemed a lot as a
kid, but never had the guts to do it.
Both of these traits combined in a kid will definitely make us feel out
numbered. Even if our kid is nothing
like that, babies are a lot of work, so this waiting period will just make us
learn to appreciate our children more and enjoy the time we get with them.
We are also learning to be thankful for our struggle.
As weird as that sounds, it’s so true.
Spencer and I attended a support group meeting a few weeks ago. Everyone
shared their struggles with infertility and, oddly enough, we actually felt
better about our situation. We have not
been struggling nearly as long as some of these women. We haven’t felt the loss of a baby at 9 weeks
or 20 weeks or after birth. We had 11
embryos to work with. We were able to
afford a cycle of IVF pretty quickly. So
many of the women we met have such little odds of success that it makes us feel
much better about our situation. Ours
still sucks, especially if you compare it to friends who weren’t even trying
and got pregnant quickly; but ours isn’t the worst it could be. Plus, because of the IVF path we have had to
take, we have that much more of an appreciation for how our children are
made. We know exactly when our child was
fertilized and implanted; how many parents get to know their child like that
before he or she is every put back in the womb?
I’ve come to the conclusion that perhaps it’s for the best our cycles have failed
thus far. I’m finishing graduate school
and am currently stressed out constantly about school work; this won’t end for
another three months. Spencer is sick
and tired of his job and wants a change.
He is looking for a job as an assistant principal, but even if that
doesn’t come to him, he wants out of the classroom. So if job hunting doesn’t go our way over the
next few months, it will be very stressful trying to live off of a smaller
income or finding Spencer something worth changing careers to. And on top of all that stress, add in a
newborn baby and I’m not sure we’d cope very well. Since our cycles haven’t worked, we are
waiting until May to try again. That
means we can face all of these rather large life changes knowing we still have
nine months to figure out how to afford a child as well.
I know in my heart that eventually
we will have a child. For whatever
reason, it’s just not meant to be at the moment. That child will be more loved and wanted that
it will ever know. In the meantime, we
get to love on our nephews and nieces, finish school and find new jobs, pay off
more debt, drink beer, travel kid-free, and just enjoy knowing that the only
major responsibility we have is a dog.
